My name is Chip (Curt) Deardorff and many of you already know the story of my perfectly healthy 35-year-old son, Clark, suddenly becoming deathly ill from a Strep A sepsis infection June 16, 2017.
He was in a medically induced coma for 70 days, but miraculously, with his amazing Lehigh Hospital medical team and God, he survived and returned to completely normal mental and physical health, except for the loss of most of his four limbs that had to be sacrificed to save his life. Early September 2017, he started an awesome year of amazing accomplishments at Moss Rehab, Elkins Park, first as an inpatient until November and then as an outpatient. Clark was beginning to walk on his own by December 2017. He was moving on with his life well above and beyond all expectations and was achieving his independence while wearing his big contagious smile. However, almost exactly one year from when he was released from Lehigh Hospital he had a coronary occlusion leading to sudden death often called the “widow maker.” He left behind his wife, 9-year-old son, 14-month-old daughter and twin boys born three months after his death.
The first few months of my grief journey were consumed with making arrangements, birth of the twin boys, Clark’s wife, Celeste, having serious complications, getting ready for the holidays and then the new twins being so scary sick. When things finally settled down a bit, I became aware of Trinity’s Grief Support Group. Being of stoic German stock, I wasn’t sure I needed help from a support group, but after communicating with Pastor Chris, I told her I would try one meeting to see what it was all about. I am so glad I did! I recently completed the 10-week grief support program much better off than when I started.
We used a wonderful book, Understanding Your Grief, to help us along and to engage in discussion. In addition to the book reading, there were handouts to further encourage sharing and discussion. The guide materials were only suggested, but never required to participate in the group. Participation in group conversation was encouraged but also not required…… just listening was fine. It was a safe, nonthreatening, comfortable, environment and it was understood what was shared in that room went no further.
Although our grief losses and situations were very different, our grief journeys did have commonality and often similar roadblocks.
Also, it is very important to note the grief support group is open to the community and does not promote or force any religious doctrines or beliefs on anyone participating. The Spiritual aspect of the grief journey was discussed but was allowed to be up to each individual as to what role it played.
Pastor Chris, our very experienced and knowledgeable support group leader, does a wonderful job of coaxing good discussion but leaving most of the conversation among those participating. She made it very clear she and we were not to give advice to each other, but only to share our grief experiences to assist ourselves and others through the grief journey. Pastor Chris does a great job of ensuring inclusive conversation and giving all an equal opportunity to participate if they desire to do so without dwelling on a single topic too long or going off on an obscure tangent.
Being with a group of what became trusted friends for 10 weeks, sharing our ups and downs of our grief journey was not only palliative but also gave us hope, encouragement and direction for a new life after the loss of our loved one. I am very grateful to Pastor Chris and all my support group friends for being part of my grief journey. Our grief journeys continue but we are better off for the time we shared together and hope others will take advantage of Trinity’s Grief Support Groups.